


Feverish wishes

by Lisa_Panatta



Series: Death Stranding one-shots (Sam/Higgs) [2]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Higgs still needs a hug, Louise is adorable, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Higgs Monaghan, gay mess Higgs Monaghan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisa_Panatta/pseuds/Lisa_Panatta
Summary: Sam’s thoughts kept wondering about what the fuck did Higgs want, and why the fuck didn’t he just ask for it.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: Death Stranding one-shots (Sam/Higgs) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121168
Kudos: 17





	1. "I want you to cuddle me"

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note before you read, just know english isn't my first language (i'm probably gonna repeat it in each work), so sorry for any eventual mistakes.  
> Hope you enjoy!

First it was patching up his wounds, then having to deal with all his complaints about how _blue and red threads just don’t match_ , and now of course he had to get him back on his feet like some kind of fucked-up and grumpy nurse. To say he was annoyed would’ve been the understatement of the century.

Soon as the fever had started setting in, Sam immediately noticed how red Higgs’ cheeks were while he was reading and so, unless he was reading porn of some kind _which Sam didn’t really wanna know anything about_ , he must’ve been sick. Of course, being the little shit he is, the former terrorist wouldn’t admit feeling sick.

Two hours. That’s how long it took Higgs to finally surrender to his state and declare that he had been feeling like shit since lunch, but he just thought nothing of it and didn’t want to bore Sam about it. In this case though, Sam would’ve pretty much liked he had told him before his fever had gotten worse. Still, no point dwelling on the past. The deed had been done already.

“Sammy…” Higgs’ voice came out in a moan, doing crazy shit to Sam’s heart as he annoyingly approached the other man for the hundredth time that evening. He had been lying on the couch for the whole time, with a wet cloth on his forehead in hope to get the temperature to drop, with scarce results it seemed though.

“What? I have to make dinner, Higgs. Make it quick” the taller man groaned and turned to face him with difficult. His face was still flushed, and his tattoos were covered by the cloth; his blue eyes looked veiled, and Sam had to bite his lip not to whimper at the sight.

“Do I look that bad?” the ex-terrorist managed a chuckle, but he was completely drained of any force. He ran his finger through his hair, before making a disgusted noise and wipe his hand on his pants to shake of the feeling of sweat on it.

“I’d very much like to take a shower, though I’d probably slip and die in this state… but that’s not why I called you…” Sam was starting to grow impatient. He needed to start cooking or Louise might’ve gotten hungry before he had dinner ready.

“Just spit it out asshole, I told you I got stuff to do” Higgs bit his lower lip, looking away. He seemed so vulnerable like this, and really, not being able to ask for something was new for him, so Sam was also slightly curious by this point.

“I… it’s nothing really. Sorry to bother, go back to doing your stuff” and just like that he turned to his side, facing away from Sam, and shut his eyes. Sam was puzzled to say the least, but he _really_ had to go make dinner for the three of them.

Sighing, he headed over to the kitchen and started working. He had become accustomed with most foods, and now that Louise had her teeth he could give her actual food and not just those baby craps. Her favorite food, though, of course just had to be pizza. She was taking too much after the ex-terrorist, if you asked the brunette.

For the whole cooking session, Sam’s thoughts kept wondering about what the fuck did Higgs want, and why the fuck didn’t he just ask for it. Maybe it was the fever though; when Sam was young, he never really got sick, but those times he felt like all his emotions, feelings and especially fears were amplified. It was horrible and Sam really hoped that wasn’t Higgs’ case, he certainly wouldn’t wish it upon him.

“Dada! Hungyyy!” Louise slowly made her way to the kitchen, crawling on the floor right beside Sam and looking up at him with her big blue eyes. The porter smiled down at her, then picked her up and placed her on the high chair.

“Dinner’s ready, give me a second to cut your meat, and you’ll be ready to go honey” the child smiled and nodded, grabbing her smaller fork with her chubby hands and starting to slightly tap on the table. When her dad placed the plate in front of her though, she didn’t dig in right away. She looked over to the couch, where Higgs still lied in the same position Sam had last saw him in, and then pouted.

“Higg?” she asked quietly, like she thought he was sleeping and didn’t want to wake him up. The brunette patted her hair and smiled fondly at her kindness. She was worried about him, that was more than evident, and to see how far their relationship had gotten in so few time was just heartwarming, really.

“He’s not feeling so good, love. You eat and go to sleep, so then I can focus on him and try to make him feel better, alright super-girl?” liking the idea of being able to help the former terrorist, Louise finally dug in and quickly finished off her meal. Sam wasn’t feeling hungry, and he had come to the conclusion that Higgs wasn’t either; other way he would’ve came to eat.

Louise stood true to her word, and right after cleaning up her plate she asked to her dad to get her changed and put her to sleep, so he could go help the other man. Sam had no problem complying, after all he had been worried about Higgs’ state for the whole day.

With Louise finally tucked up in her cradle, and after giving her a goodnight kiss, the porter could finally focus his attention on the ill man, deciding to look in the bathroom’s cabinet to see if he had anything to get the fever to go down. Of course, he didn’t have shit.

Groaning, he made his way towards the kitchen, turned off the light over there, and then slowly walked over the couch. He kneeled beside Higgs’ head, and slightly shook him; whether he was sleeping or not, he didn’t know, but it wouldn’t have been good to spend the whole night on the couch, that was sure.

“Higgs, come on.. at least go to your bed and get some proper rest” the other man stirred slightly, then turned over to look at the ceiling. His eyes were blood-red, like he had been in front of a screen for days, which of course he did not, and that probably meant his fever was only going up.

“Just let me die Sam” the brunette didn’t know if he was joking or not, so he just groaned and grabbed his arm, earning a curious look, before the other understood his purpose and let him put him on his feet. Higgs felt the other’s strong grip on his hip, while he helped him to walk to his room. He smiled slightly.

Sam gently placed him on the bed, and the taller man immediately sighed and started staring at the empty ceiling again. Seriously though, what the fuck did he see in that stupid grey wall? Why was he always staring at it?

“You have any suggestion how to lower your temperature?” Higgs snorted at the stupid question, then _finally_ looked at him, and Sam felt strangely uneasy about it. And yet again, couldn’t help it but wonder what was the request of before.

“Daddy used to just let me get through it. He never cured any illness I got, said if I died I would’ve repatriated anyway, so it was no use wasting medicines on a worthless kid like me - he shrugged - I guess he was right. Last time I got sick was probably before I killed him, got no idea how to lower a fucking fever Sam” his words were intended to sound harsh, but all Sam could focus on was the fact that _Higgs’ father let him fucking die over a damn fever, and more than just once by the sound of it_.

“I ain’t your dad. Got no medicines though, so we’ll still have to get you through it. Sorry” the taller man just scoffed, and he was about to turn around, when Sam gently grabbed his shoulder to keep him in place, to keep facing him.

“What did you want to ask me? Before dinner… and don’t you dare say it’s nothing because I swear to God I’ll make you eat vegetables for the rest of the month. So, just tell me” that was _very_ unexpected, and Higgs actually had to think about telling him or not. In the end, his fever got the better of him, and he just spit it out.

“I want you to cuddle with me…” he barely whispered, like it was something to be ashamed of. He _was_ ashamed of it, of wanting to be hugged by Sam; to feel his strong arms wrapped around his way-slimmer figure, and even though he was burning up, to feel the heat radiating from Sam’s skin. He needed to feel him close, to make him feel _safe_.

Sam was taken aback by the request, but he was eager to comply nonetheless. To Higgs’ surprise, the brunette took off his shirt in a swift movement, then walked around the bed to get in from the other side, and then sat on it, shifting closer to the other man.

The brunette wrapped his arm around the ex-terrorist’s shoulders, and although their heights were much different, Higgs just curled up in Sam’s embrace, both to hide his blush (which actually could’ve been mistaken by the rising temperature) and to relax.

The brunette’s hot breath tickled the back of his hair, but all Higgs could focus on was the porter’s heartbeat. It was quick, much like when he was in a fight, and he wondered if it was because of his aphenphosmphobia still or maybe, _just maybe_ , because of him.

Feeling very much protected, Higgs finally managed to fall asleep, in Sam’s arm. The brunette wasn’t bothered in the slightest, if not for the butterflies in his stomach trying to kill him, and so he didn’t dare to move an inch, and swore to himself to let Higgs sleep as much as he needed. Besides, he kind of liked him like this, all curled up against his chest. At some point of the night, still thinking about the other man, Sam fell asleep too.

The next day, when Louise crawled in the room to see where the fuck was everyone, a sore back wasn’t the only thing Sam realized he had caught. As Higgs looked way better, his eyes back to their shiny, mischievous blue, and his face back to his cadaveric pale, Sam looked the complete opposite, much to the former terrorist’s amusement.

“Guess I’ll be the nurse this time, Sammy boy”


	2. the true illness, is the one in your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look what you’re doing to me, Sam… are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? To break me more than I already was?”

Louise had insisted on helping Higgs taking care of Sam while sick, but the former terrorist was clever enough not to wanna risk her health as well. One sick Porter-Bridges was hard enough to deal with, he didn’t need a second one.

So they had come to some kind of agreement: Lou would spend the day doing whatever the fuck she wanted, playing with all of her games at once maybe, or just spend the whole time in front of a screen. Whatever, as long as she was out of the way; in exchange, Higgs had promised to watch a movie with her after dinner, before putting her to sleep.

So now there he was, trying to put together some sort of decent lunch, without much success so far though. He had read on an old book that soup was a good remedy to fever, but he was having really a hard time trying to cook it. And it shouldn’t have even been that difficult.

“Fuck this shit!” smashing both his hands on the counter, Higgs decided to keep cursing whatever god there still was out there until he was done making lunch. For the whole time, Sam was resting on the couch, looking at him with lidded eyes and chuckling to himself.

“You having fun over there, Sammy boy?” Higgs wearily smiled at him, and the brunette had the courage to actually _nod_ in response. The taller man seriously started thinking not to give Sam any food at all, and just get some pizza for him and the child.

“Smells good” whispered Sam, earning an annoyed glare from the other man, who clearly wasn’t as pleased at the smell his pot was giving away. He would’ve much preferred to eat a fucking vegetable-cake, rather than whatever shit he had “managed” to cook.

“Bet your nose’s broken. Get your ass here, so you can at least tell me what it tastes like… at least, if it tastes like shit, me and your child won’t eat it. Come on” Sam groaned, but still complied and got up from the couch, reaching Higgs’ side.

“You’re mean for making a sick man get up, mind you… still, I wanna taste your doing nonetheless. Pass the spoon” the former terrorist slightly blushed at the double entendre those words implicitly carried with them, and handed over the spoon.

Sam took his sweet time tasting the “soup”, and then decided it wasn’t gonna kill them. He threw the spoon in the sink, then turned to face Higgs and give him a nod. Reluctant as he was about actually eating that stuff, the taller man simply sighed and told him to sit down while he got Louise.

“Eat time?” she tilted her head soon as he entered her room, smiling joyfully. She had scattered all her stuffed animals around the floor, and she was now trying to ride her fake horse. She was small enough to fit on its back, but her weight still crushed it to the ground; she didn’t seem to mind though.

“Yup. Come on, I’ve made… something?” she giggled at his dubious face, then crawled behind him as they headed back to the kitchen table, where Sam was patiently waiting. He had set the plates, and took out the cutlery, and Higgs felt bad for not helping him, even if it was just a small and easy task.

Higgs picked Lou up from the ground, and sat her on the chair, then proceeded in filling their plates, before finally sitting down and realizing that now he had to eat _that_. He decided to wait until Louise took the first spoonful, just to make sure it wasn’t _that_ disgusting.

“Awesome!” the little girl cooed and immediately dug in, leaving the ex-terrorist looking at her in disbelief. Was it really good? Or were the Porter-Bridges messing with him, and he didn’t know? But really, if they were acting, then they were fucking _naturals_ at it.

“Come on Higgs, try it. You got a future as a chef” snorting, the man gave in, in the end, and brought the spoon to his lips. Much to his surprise, it really wasn’t that bad. So the other two weren’t lying, at least, and he felt slightly proud of himself for not poisoning them both by mistake.

Once their bellies were full, Sam got back on the couch, while the child crawled her way back to her room, probably to take a siesta, and Higgs washed the dishes. His mind though decided not to give him a second of rest, and taunt him instead.

His thoughts kept going back to the previous night. To Sam’s arms wrapped around him when he fell asleep, to his soft breath on the back of his neck, which still gave him shivers just by thinking about, to his head, heavily resting on his own when he had slipped into unconsciousness too. To feel so close to him; to feel so _loved_.

His mind went blank for a slip second, but in that time the plate he was washing fell in the sink with a loud thud and broke in three pieces. Sam jumped slightly at the sudden sound, and looked over to Higgs. He was frozen in place, staring into the wall in front of him.

“Higgs?” the taller man shook his head, like waking up from slumber, and quickly realized the mess he had made. Sighing, he sent a thumb-up to Sam without looking back, and then picked up those three ceramic pieces and tossed them in the trash, before resuming washing the rest of the dishes.

_Love_. To say it wasn’t a common thing in his life not only would’ve been an understatement, but a real fucking joke. No one had ever loved him in his whole life. Nor his daddy, nor Fragile, nor the preppers, nor Bridges, and definitely not Amelie. No one ever loved him, so why would Sam?

He had been a stupid boy, to his daddy. He had been a useful porter, to Bridges, and still no one missed him when he was gone. He had been a great friend to Fragile, at the beginning, and yet she had never truly trusted him. And lastly, he had been a good pawn, to Amelie, and yet all she did was use him and ruin what semblance of life he still had. What was he to Sam, if not just another nuisance?

“You’re spacing out” Sam’s breath directly on his skin made him shiver, and he almost dropped another plate. When did he get so close? How come he didn’t hear him get up from the couch and walk over? Was he lost so deep in his own self-loathing? The answer to that, of course, was yes.

Slowly, as if giving him the time to move away, Sam wrapped his arms around Higgs’ waist, and rested his head on the other’s back, for he was too short to reach his shoulder. The taller man felt all his muscles tense, but he did not dare make a move.

“What’s eating you?” Sam’s voice sounded slightly worried. But why? Higgs’ wasn’t the porter’s problem to begin with, so why would he worry about him? Why did he even help him the previous day? Why did he hug him, the previous night? Why? Just, _why?_

He shut off the water, and steadied himself on the counter with both his hands. Sam slowly let go of his waist, giving him space to turn around if he wanted, but Higgs didn’t know if he could face him right now. He felt like crying, but he didn’t know why, and mostly he didn’t want to. He had already showed enough weakness in just two days.

“Look at me” Sam wasn’t taking a “no” for an answer, that much the former terrorist knew just by the sound of his voice, but it was hard to follow that order. He _knew_ that if he turned to face him he would’ve most likely broke down to tears. And he couldn’t risk it. So the porter had to push him a little.

The brunette grabbed ahold of his arm, and forced him to turn back. Only then did Higgs realize he had been silently crying all along. He wasn’t emitting any sound, but black tears streamed down his wet cheeks, falling on his white shirt and staining it for good.

“Look what you’re doing to me, Sam… are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? To break me more than I already was?” Higgs laughed angrily, both at himself and Sam, while the other man just looked at him, not knowing how to react.

“What… what are you talking about?” the porter managed to force out some words. He had to understand; he had to find a way to help him, to banish away all those dark thoughts that filled both his mind and his _heart_.

“What am I talking about, Sam? What am I- you know what I’m talking about! First you act so kind, you take me into your own house, you give me shelter, you give me _hope_! And then, you take care of me when I get sick, and you- you hug me, and make me feel like you give a shit about me… but I know you don’t… so why, Sam? Why would you do this to me? Ain’t I… ain’t I already broken enough?”

By the last sentence, Higgs had started sobbing loudly. Part of him told him to shut up, because he didn’t want Louise to worry; another part of him was telling him how stupid all of this was, and how weak _he_ was. Then, the last part of him, was just hoping Sam would hug him again.

“Higgs…” the brunette had never been too good with words; actions came more natural to him. He gently placed his hands on the other man’s cheeks, cupping his face and making him look into his eyes. How could he make him understand that everything he did was true? That it was _felt_. Only one way to do it.

Slow enough that Higgs had time to break free, Sam leaned in and pressed his lips on the other’s, seeing him close his eyes. The taller man carefully wrapped his arms behind Sam’s back, but he felt completely insecure. Was this another game? Another _play_?

The porter, feeling that Higgs wasn’t getting it yet, decided to push a little further, and mindfully licked the other’s lips. This took him aback a little, and a small gasp escaped Higgs, allowing Sam to slip in his tongue and work his way around the other’s.

Soon enough, the former terrorist just gave in and started hungrily kissing back, even managing to earn a satisfied groan from Sam, who finally decided to pull away to breathe. He had his hands still on the other’s cheeks, black-stained. Higgs allowed himself to smile, and the porter thought opportune to clarify things once and for all.

“I don’t wanna hear any more bullshit from you about this. I don’t care what others think, about me, about you, about _us._ Whatever. Let them think. I want you, now and forever, and nothing’s gonna change that, you hear me? Nothing… Now, come cuddle with me on the couch”


End file.
